treading along an unknown path

The Perfect Love

twilight — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 22:40:49 +0000

She was the Queen of her own terms. He aimed of being the Man who played by his own rules.

Although it seems like the plot of just another love flick, it is yet to be told….

—-

Tinkerbell Doll sat on her lush lavender cushion among the treasuries and trinkets which were kept carelessly in semi-opened boxes and baskets layered with laces and ribbons. The mirror with the antique touch reflected the bed of satin sheets and pillows among which she lay sleeping with her eyes open. Even the kohl stained teary cheeks and her unkempt hair couldn’t hide the pretty that defined the contours of her face.

The curtain drapes obeyed her wishes to an extent that the room hadn’t witnessed any direct ray of the sun for the last three days. She lay so still that no amount of contemplation could prove the thought that she was thinking and the life she was breathing. The mellow light that traveled through the curtains during the day met the feathers of the shredded cushions from the other what could have been her big night.

She was still in the pale blue dress she had picked out from the latest Haute Couture collection. The fabric defined her curves beautifully and even after three days of her being in it in her worst disheveled look, it didn’t make her look any less desirable for any man.

Her tears had dried up sooner than anybody who knew her womanly soul could have expected. The silence which she turned to, worried everyone but no one dared to voice her of their concern fearing the repercussion she might resort too. For all those who knew her, knew her well to know that only time and soundless sounds healed her wounds and any interference and consolations only angered her more.

Coming to terms with reality never seemed a like a difficult task for her. Her aura ruled the time, space and atmosphere that she was in. She may not have been the most beautiful face in every situation but her very presence demanded undisturbed attention from all those around her at any moment. She was at every moment, a Queen.

—-

Glints of the flames from the fire place reflected upon his glass of scotch on the rocks every time he turned it between his fingers. There was a slight curve on the left side of his lips and not a sign of remorse in those unblinking eyes. A happy state of blankness was relished with every sip of the drink he took.

He picked up the remote and touch upon ‘PLAY’ and Beethoven’s “Fur Elise” mellowly seeped into every every corner of the room just as the his thoughts started to fill in the blank. His love for the genre was evident with the two grand pianos in contrasting shades of Black & White that were placed in two corners of aesthetically interior-ed living room of his pent house on the 28th Floor.

Walking over to the window, he stared at the glimmering light of the city. His alcohol influenced state of mind made him imagine her on the other side of the glass. He smiled, turned away and walked towards his room. For the first time in a decade someone had made an impression on him and after months he chose just himself and his thoughts as company for the night. He forced his preferably weak memory to remember those perfectly shaped doe-eyes that tend to control his every move for the evening.

He walked into his room and turned to close the doors behind him and while he did that, his mind questioned him “Was it worth it?” and he smilingly whispered to himself “Totally.”

(to be continued…)

a conversation i would like to remember

twilight — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 02:49:58 +0000

Me: I want you to treat me like a Princess

Him: I will treat you like a Queen

Me: No, but I want to be treated like a Princess…. Ask me why?

Him: Why?

Me: because Queens are sophisticated, mature and have a lot of responsibilities. Princesses are pampered, spoilt and immature. I want to be a Princess!!!!!

Him: okie… you can be my princess.

Me: really baby ???

Him: yes baby…

Me: ♥

Him: ♥

My confession.

twilight — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:38:56 +0000

Dear Baby,

Today, while we were speaking, I called for him and all the while I was just hoping that you wouldn’t catch me on it and luckily for me, you didn’t. In the last ten minutes of our conversation I could make out that you were tired and unlike other days I too did not plead you to stay back…maybe because I was too eager to see him. I know after reading this, you might not feel the same way about me anymore but I cannot play this game any longer and have decided to come clean with you, since I know how intensely you feel for me and the love that you have for me is just as pure.

I know this is not one of the best mediums to tell you this but I just don’t have the courage to say this to you on the phone. Ten minutes after you hung up, he called saying that he was waiting outside for me. I quickly got dressed, picked my keys and rushed out to let him in with me. Because of the cold outside, he was dressed up to an extent that i couldn’t see him properly but from a distance only I could feel the sparks between us going haywire. I tried to control and so did he but the months of distance between the both of us intensified the magnetism between us and we rushed in back to my room to find the warmth in each other.

I quickly took off my jacket and plopped myself on the bed and pulled him over me. I unwrapped him off his layers and the passion between was unavoidable. I felt like grabbing him all at once as he looked delicious. I don’t mean to be so explicit about my feelings for him as I know how must be feeling after reading all this but I can’t hold it any longer. I tried to avoid it a lot but just couldn’t fool myself into doing it any further. I want you to know that I love you a lot and always will but I love him too. My feelings for you will always remain and I can assure you that it is much more than what I feel for him but my cravings for him from time to time can only be satisfied by him.

I know it is too much to ask and I might sound selfish and mean to the core when asking this but I still want to give it a try. He told me that he has no problem in you being in my life as he understands how I feel about you. I just wanted to ask you if you will also accept him as a part of my life and then the three of us can stay happily ever after. I am sure once you meet him you will like him too. He is after all very charming. He is looking forward to meeting you too and I hope it goes well between the both of you because I don’t want to choose between the either of you since I love the both of you (You, a lot more) and need you two in my life to be happy.

His name is Devil’s Own Chocolate Fudge Cake and he will be waiting for you in a CCD in your city. I am also attaching a picture here so that it is easy for you to recognize him.

Hoping you liked him.

Yours Lovingly,

Love

Innocence

twilight — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 00:12:36 +0000

LOVE … Such a silly game we play

twilight — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 19:09:08 +0000

LOVE. – A mere four letter word which forms the basis all being. A moment of which gives birth to a new life. A feeling so strong that can lead someone to insanity or bring back one from it. A global language which can speak for itself even without the support of words. A emotion so strong that can bring a smile to someone’s lips as well as compel eyes to resort to tears.

Love can make, love can break. Love can build, love can tear.“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.”*

Love is a game. The more I try to play it, the more I lose; I tried giving up…but I am addicted to this silly game which gives me nothing but pain. I tried hook, line and sinker to get over it but it has caught me in a very bad net and no matter how much I struggle to get out, I entangle myself more in it.

I refrained but I couldn’t convince myself not to write an account of my ‘not so perfect’ perfect love. Please bear with me for the next few lines where I am going to ramble on about the love I had, loved and lost.

****************************************

Love was when I was 22 and he was 23, Love was when we both were young and free.

Love was when I saw him for the first time, Love is when I think about him all the time.

Love was when we had all those long walks, Love was when we together answered God’s call.

Love was when we shared our plate of food, Love was when he taught me to play pool.

Love was everytime we danced together, Love was every moment we seeked for each other.

Love was when I ran my fingers through his hair, Love was when we exchanged wordless stares.

Love was when we had our first kiss, Love is everytime I want him as a wish.

Love was everytime he held me tight, Love is when even now that he is out of my sight.

Love was when his fingers filled the spaces between mine, Love is when I think of him and shivers run down my spine.

Love was then, Love is now and this Love will be ‘coz

Love is all that I have for him even though he doesn’t feel the same for me.

****************************************

P.S. – I wish he someday reads this.

*Erica Jong

How wonderful life was when he was in my world

twilight — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 02:29:30 +0000

As this music plays in the background, I feel his arms wrapped around me with his chin resting on my shoulders. The softness of those lips and the roughness of his stubble makes the perfect ingredient for me to raise my other shoulder to my cheek with a dash of blush and a hint of smile.

The soft whispers tickled my ear and I closed my eyes…. I opened it back to a reality where he existed only in my memories of the love story which spanned over months. “I finally understood what true love meant…love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.”*

One tear rolled down my cheek and it is not the first time that I am letting them out for him. My tears haven’t done justice to me even though I let them flow as and when they wanted to. Every moment of me yearning to catch a glimpse of him makes me feel like 16 again.

‘Out of Sight’ is often predicts the state ‘out of mind’. I managed to prove even this famous theory formulated by my friends wrong for me. Instead, I feel that “Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.” **

Someday, I will get married…have a husband and bear his babies…have my own family but my part of the heart, where I have safely secured him, will remain within me forever. And if the strength of the soul is so proved, I am hopeful that we cross paths again and share a moment of the love which once was between us ~ a moment when I tell him what I regret not telling him what I should have long back. “I Love You”

I am grateful that “We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happened once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”*

Courtesy *— Nicholas Sparks (Dear John) **— Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song) ***— Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook)

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This real incidence of my life is currently participating in Fire –Freeze contest organised by Close-up India. If you have lived any such moment where you felt contrasting emotions piercing you, you may participate. Remember to post your story-in brief-as a comment below this post. Thanks.

Is it madness when….?

twilight — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:50:13 +0000

Is it madness when everything around reminds me of him? or when even lyric-less music makes me think of him? or when I pen down my feelings about him when everybody else thinks he is not worth me? or when I don’t want to move on? or when I know this is not obsession as everyone labels it as? or when even if it was for a moment, I knew he loved me? or when I love him knowing that he has no idea as to how I feel? or when I am writing this and have no idea why?

Pedro Calderón de la Barca said that ‘When love is not madness, it is not love’. So is it love that I had and lost?

it snowed to let me know…

twilight — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 04:09:32 +0000

48 and I am still counting every night when I dream of him. Sometimes I swoon over the sweetness of it throughout the day and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night as if it were a nightmare…whatever it is, it is completely worth it.

Although he wore a protective layer on his eyes, it didn’t stop me from drowning in them the very moment I saw him. The night that followed my ‘love-at-first-sight’ moment was the night I had my first dream of him. Although I didn’t wake up to him next to me the next morning, the feeling of it was very much there. It was love…and no matter how imperfect it seemed, it felt perfect

I spent the best 21 months of my life with him around. From my favourite long walks to the cliché coffee. From A Walk to Remember to the dancing. From Dairy Milks to Midnight Ice-creams. From chats to sms’. I can wrap up everything I wanted to feel in a relationship from moments spent in those months. My best ones so far.

But as they say, the perfects don’t last, so didn’t this phase, which I reveled in. The only thing which chose to stay with me is the memories of it which refuse to fade. I tried moving on but to no avail. Every attempt that I make to forget him, just brings me closer to his thoughts.

This is what love feels like. To give and not to have in return. To wait endlessly and to continue doing so without any sane reason. To still dream and wait for the moment when he might come from behind and wrap his arms around me.

Name it Insanity but thats how much his spell is still cast on me and so while I lay on my bed tonight with eyes wide open, I remembered all those times when I opened the curtains to my window to see him and although today, he is no where near me, I decided to look out just to relive all those moments and when I drew the curtains after much contemplation, it was beautiful…it was snowing

it snowed to let me know that though it seems to be over, its not yet… something is left and I am going to wait for it ‘coz this was the love I was waiting for the all my life and it came, happened and went away but it remained…in my ♥

I was just a fool to avoid it on the face while deep within I was already drowning in it by the moment.

Sometimes…

twilight — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 09:09:46 +0000

Sometimes I wish I had his firm chest to rest my head on with my hands wrapped around his waist.

Sometimes I wish he says “you look great” when I look my worst best.

Sometimes when everything seems wrong, wish he was there just to make it seem right.

Sometimes I wish he would just come out of the blue and hug me from behind during my busiest time.

Sometimes when I would close my eyes waiting for my lips to be touched by his, I wish he would kiss my head instead.

Sometimes I wish, his very presence would make my toes curl and my cheeks red.

Sometimes I wish he held me tight when I am totally out.

Sometimes when I am in the middle of hysteria, I wish he would shut me up by just putting his palm on my mouth.

Sometimes I wish his intriguing stare is all it needs to control my every move

Sometimes I wish he says “you have great eyes” when my eyes can’t stop the streaming tears.

Sometimes I wish he would just read between the blankness in me.

Sometimes I wish he just existed…

my heartbreak

twilight — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 14:01:28 +0000

It has been a plethora of experience since the last 4 years and although there is no connection this time, it feels like the worst heartbreak ever.

I can finally relate to endlessly having tubs of ice-creams, drowning myself in alcohol and doing nothing constructive the whole day. I have been a mess lately and not being able to share it with anyone makes it worse.

I crave for a friend whom I can pour out all my feelings to and I just can’t find one. Why do I always need to think before speaking to anyone? Why can’t there be just one person for me before speaking to whom, I don’t have to think???

Why can’t I find my soul mate?